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Bomoh: Perbedaan revisi

Bomoh (sunting)

Revisi per 8 April 2013 05.23

8.705 bita ditambahkan ,  8 April 2013 05.23
tidak ada ringkasan suntingan
(←Membatalkan revisi 74901 oleh 39.216.85.154 (Bicara))
{{Diblok|Menjadi pengguna aktif|semuanya}}
[[Image:Bomoh.JPG|thumb|Bomoh setelah mendapatkan uangmu dan berjanji akan membalamu.]]
{{Kategori:Malaysia}}
'''Bomoh''' adalah pemanggil monster musuh [[Ultraman]] dari [[Malaysia]]. Bomoh berperan sangat besar dalam Konfrontasi Indonesia-Filipina tahun 1982-1988, yang menelan 900 korban ketupat lebaran, 5672 ketupat hilang, dan 367567 ketupat melarikan diri. Bomoh merupakan [[Penjelajah web]] mutan yang mendapatkan kesaktian setelah berhasil mengalahkan Fishin lakitu dalam game mario bross dengan konstol SeXbox 360. Alat untuk memanggil monster musuh ultraman yang dipakai bomoh adalah [[dendeng]] balado.
 
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Walau begitu, bomoh punya cara sendiri untuk mengelabui masyarakat awam dengan pura-pura menjadi tabib kelamin. Dengan berpura-pura sebagai tabib, ia dapat masuk ke dalam masyarakat dan berpura-pura baik, padahal mereka adalah para pemanggil monster musuh ultraman. Mana yang lebih kejam daripada itu?
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Dalam prakteknya, bomoh sering mendahulukan cewek ber [[bikini]] dan memiliki uang yang sangat banyak. Bila anda memiliki cukup uang, ia akan mau ber[[Bahasa Perancis]] dengan anda. Namun bila anda tidak punya cukup uang, lebih baik anda segera minta tolong dengan [[Paris Hilton]] atau jika tidak, anda akan mendapatkan bala.
Anda sebenarnya juda bisa menjadi bomoh. Bomoh versi indonesia harus bertapa di gunung bomoh, bila perlu di kawahnya sekalian. Gunung bomoh letaknya tidak jauh dari kota probolinggo dan bisa ditemukan saat anda naik perawat ke pantai Kutang. Jalan tercepat untuk sampai tentunya dengan melompat dari pesawat langsung ke lobang vagina berasap itu.
 
Saat bertapa pastikan anda berzikir dengan kata “hail metal, metal, metal, metaaaaaalll” sambil jari anda membentuk simbol metal. Bawa juga speaker 9000 Watt PMPO dengan iringan band tanjidor kawinan. Rambut anda juga harus panjang. Ini akan memanggil hantu kutilanak yang kemudian akan menjadi istri anda seumur hidup. Lewat kutilanak inilah kami berhubungan badan dengan monster musuh ultraman dan memanfaatkannya sewaktu-waktu bila diperlukan.
 
Bomoh telah difatwa haram oleh MUI tapi tidak dengan hantu kutilanak. Hantu ini difatwa halal karena badannya memang menggiurkan. Bila anda ingin onani sekarang, coba bayangkan maria ozawa dengan kepala baphomet, payudara gunung fuji dan tangan arnold sowhatzenengger.
 
Cara menangkal serangan bomoh tentu saja menggunakan [[Mouse komputer]], angkat mouse anda sekarang, gigit, cium-cium lalu masukkan ke lubang hidung anda. Dengan demikian ia akan menyatu dengan anda dan menjadi lampu alarm seperti yang ada di dada ultraman. Setelah itu anda dapat segera ereksi dan menghadapi monster musuh ultraman yang tidur telanjang disamping anda. Selain itu, anda dapat menggunakan tubuh anda sebagai mouse komputer. Goyangkan tubuh anda untuk menggerakkan cursor di layar komputer. Dan pukulkan kepala anda ke lantai atau dinding bila ingin mengklik sebuah link. Untuk scroll anda silakan berguling sejauh scroll bergerak. Cara ini telah dipakai oleh ultraman untuk menemukan benua [[Atlantis]], tempat dimana nyi roro kidul dan semua cewek seksi telanjang bulat tinggal.
[[Kategori:Malaysia]]
Pengguna anonim
Diperoleh dari "https://tolololpedia.org/wiki/Istimewa:MobileDiff/75557"